Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
