none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
