4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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