Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
