I wanna passion pit in your ass
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
