don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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