I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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