My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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