We named our party play list daddy issues
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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