Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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