woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
