I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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