New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
