Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
