I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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