there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
