Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
