If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
