i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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