is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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