for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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