Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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