12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize