Your face is a jimmy john
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
