Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
