i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
