He is such a slut. More and more my type.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize