Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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