We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
