is your mom at the bar?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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