idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
