A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize