Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
