he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize