i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
