It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
