People in love make me want to vomit
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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