it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
