Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
