Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The best revenge is premature balding
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
