I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
