According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
