It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
3pm strippers are depressing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
there is glitter all over my balls
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
