hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
