So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
