we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
pray to the hookup gods
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
