You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize