he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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