just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
