Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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