Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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