I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
