My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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