I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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