Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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