Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
