there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
