Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize