it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
cat food counts as protein by the way
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
