he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
