mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
