The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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