I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
