Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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