i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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