You can't special order awesome
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize