My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
