Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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