dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
