I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
